oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
