How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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