i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
