It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
