Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
