I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
