Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
