another moral hangover. fuck.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
