it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
