I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
