i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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