idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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