shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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