how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
