There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
