I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize