Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
