you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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