remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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