wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
