my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
