dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
