He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
