just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
