my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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