piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
