I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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