i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I smell stomach acid.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
