peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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