My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
