3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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