Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
