i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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