i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
