I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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