that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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