i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
