i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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