i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
