just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
