So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
