they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
