who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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