please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
