I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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