I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
