So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
