Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
