Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
