I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You are a genius and a whore.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
