please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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