Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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