My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There's always time for handjobs
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
