Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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