So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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