Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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