when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
