Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
