her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
