You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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