No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
