How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
