all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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