Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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