You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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