i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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