This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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