i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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