Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We have started to decorate penises.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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