I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
