were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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