I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
