My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
