thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
