If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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