so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How naked do you want me to be?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
