It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
