I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
