I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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