the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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