i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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