Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
