You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
