Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
