I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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