I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
