We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
