I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize