I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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