I cannot find my penis.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
